Everyone knows that going through a divorce is hard on everyone involved. Many of the comments left on this blog reveal stories of similar trauma and stress. The truth is that going through ANY kind of legal proceeding is a torturous experience - and the more serious and significant the issue, the worse it gets.There's something incredibly wrong with this picture!
Divorces are never easy - but surely it's not a judge's job to make this harder on everyone? Surely a judge should not be allowed to impose rulings that inflict even more stress and emotional turmoil? Surely a judge should not evade his own responsibility to make logical and fair judgments by pressurizing people who obviously don't agree to make his job easier by agreeing to a miserable compromise?
The legal system inflicts torture on those who come to it seeking help, seeking justice, or simply seeking a clear judgment.
In this case, every action of Judge Mangum resulted in the creation of a hostile environment for everyone involved, while he shuffled back and forth and did whatever he could to avoid making any judgment at all. And then, when the judgment finally came, it was completely inconsistent and contrary to all the facts.
Venessa Mills and her husband strongly disagree in their religious beliefs. They strongly disagree on the best form of education for their children. They strongly disagree on what would constitute an appropriate custody and visitation schedule. They strongly disagree on the seriousness of adultery. They strongly disagree on what should be considered a fair financial and support arrangement. Obviously, this does not allow for peace in the home, it is not best for the children - and hence they are getting divorced. This, in itself, is nothing new or extraordinary.
In the light of all that, do Judge Mangum's actions make any sense?
- Judge Mangum allowed the husband to remain in the family home throughout the entire duration of the preliminary divorce proceedings.
- Judge Mangum specifically stated that he was not going to order Mr. Mills to get out of the house or give any deadline for this to happen - leaving it entirely up to Mr. Mills. In the meantime, Mr. Mills continues to play tennis with his "friend."
- Judge Mangum allowed Mr. Mills to use his leaving the home as a bargaining tool to pressurize Venessa Mills to agree to his own terms for property settlement.
- Judge Mangum put Venessa Mills in the position of having to depend completely on her adulterous husband, whom she has to submit all household bills to in order to feed her family.
- Judge Mangum exposed her to constant badgering and emotional manipulation, persistent attempts to undermine and ridicule her religious beliefs and even her mental health - all while continuing to homeschool her children and attempt to protect them from the turmoil all around them.
And, under all these circumstances, Venessa Mills has to fight a legal battle, not just against her husband, but against the entire court system - and defend her right to homeschool, her own sanity, her religious beliefs, and her love for her children. Such treatment certainly allows anyone who opposes her to make her look "unreasonable" - because the situation she has been forced into is unreasonable!
Only yesterday, Venessa received a message from her husband demanding that she "come home" immediately. Under the circumstances, would you want to go home??
Whether you support Venessa, or even if you agree with her husband, would YOU want to be treated this way??
Isn't the legal system supposed to "defend and protect"? Isn't it supposed to provide a safe and calm environment so that both sides can have the freedom to present their case clearly and without obstruction?? Isn't it supposed to deliver judgments based on the facts that bring matters to a clear conclusion rather than prolonging the agony for all involved??
This is not just about homeschooling. It's not just about this case. Anyone who has been in a similar position will know exactly what we're talking about!
The entire basis of today's legal system in America is not justice - it is to "grind down" everyone involved until they compromise on anything and everything just to have peace. It is a process that can only be described as a kind of emotional torture (that is not without physical effects) - until all the judge has to do is sign a piece of paper with whatever has arbitrarily been decided by a combination of attornies, judge's opinion, and weary petitioners.
The proposed Court order from Judge Mangum stated that it would be "a benefit to the Court" for Venessa Mills to have a mental health assessment. A Christian homeschooling mother is forced to pay (with what?) 50% of her own mental health evaluation, based on no evidence whatsoever, for the benefit of the Court - because no-one, not the judge, or the attornies, or even the husband, stood up and said "That's wrong!" This one statement sums up the truth.
Our legal system no longer serves the people. It serves itself.
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11 comments:
Don't forget, only when the money is gone that is the only time any "progress" is ever made.
There is a reason why judges wear black.
"...inflict even more stress and emotional turmoil?"
How about submitting your children to local news by giving public statements, making public websites devoted to the issue, and even giving a picture of your kids to the local media? Does that not cause stress for the kids? It's not like their picture is in the paper for winning some contest.
However this turns out, whatever the arguments are, this need not have been made public like this. You are using this incident to further your own agenda (right to homeschool, I guess) without giving a second thought to the kids.
Well, I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know the kids; maybe they love this kind of attention.
But I doubt it.
Actually, the kids are not suffering under any of this attention. Venessa loves her children and is protecting them very well from all of this, so they are not even having to deal with it at the moment.
One of the advantages of homeschooling is that children CAN be protected in issues like this - much better than if they were in public school.
Plus, the BIGGER PICTURE, is that there are more children out there than just Venessa's. This needed to be made public because it is a massive injustice that could affect lots of others. Read some of the other comments on this blog to see how people have already experienced similar situations.
"Without giving a second thought to the kids"?? Quite the opposite. Don't fall into the same trap as the judge and make judgments based on your own opinions rather than the facts.
Please post who we need to call or send an email to. This kind of treatment is wrong. If the children are thriving they should not have their life turned upside down.
You did not know that the legal system is one big fraud and so are the public schools? Keep your kids out of public schools, move. Try calling Advice Line for some help at FHU.com
By your own admission, both Mrs. & Mr. Mills strongly disagree on all aspects of raising their children so of course a judge had to make a decision that would be fair to both parents as well as the children. Both parents have rights to these children. If it was a judge just deciding that homeschooling was inproper, that is one thing, but this is a divorce proceeding with children involved. Both the rights of the mother and father matter and since they couldn't agree, the judge made his decision based on the information providing to me through the court proceedings.
Please tell me what the facts are, and please back them up with proof.
I do not have kids, but I support homeschooling, and will do it (if I'm still allowed) when I do have kids.
I went to public school, and it was torture. Maybe years ago it was an okay place to be, but not anymore. My teachers cussed, allowed kids to sneak outside for a smoke break (that was in highscool), and taught that evolution was 100% fact.
It makes me sick to hear what happened to Vanessa!
I'm going to blog about this, and put down some of the facts that you listed. Let me know if that is a problem!
While I by far do not agree with Vanessa's religious beliefs on any level. I however can suck that up and say that this woman is being plowed by her husband and the judge. It is obvious this judge favors the husband and I am curious as to what his past divorce proceedings that he has been involved in, what exactly the outcome is, and how many times was it really in the husbands favor. KEEP FIGHTING! This judge is again punching this woman in the face, like her husband did with his adultery and it is sickening to see someone be treated like this over and over.
I wish your family luck, too many times women get taken advantage of and thrown under the bus when they are home with their kids, providing a quality home, and education to their children, and then left to the wolves when Divorce is brought into it, because while hubby was off playing "tennis" with whatever trash he can get his hands on, the wife is stuck home with the kids, no job, and financial dependence on the husband. The Judge and the husband both know this and are trying to push her in a corner. FIGHT IT, for your kids, for your future, and theirs and I truly hope someone can step up and help you!
"he wife is stuck home with the kids, no job, and financial dependence on the husband."
Whose fault is that? She chose the life she wanted and because of that she left herself open to vulnerabilities such as these. Adultery is just not right, I feel that if the husband were not being sexually satisfied (which is a big important part of any relationship) then he should have said something to her.
Now, I understand from personal experience, that some women are not mature enough to handle talks such as these because of insecurities and it makes it very difficult for a man to explain himself.
None-the-less, he should have been a man about it and called it off and moved on their separate ways.
He does have a right in how his children are schooled and if they cannot come to terms than let the judge do it for them.
I believe that most religious zealots will argue because the judge said "to challenge the beliefs". If you take this as a negative anti-religious statement than it only proves that you are narrow minded and teach your children the same thing.
"I went to public school, and it was torture. Maybe years ago it was an okay place to be, but not anymore. My teachers cussed, allowed kids to sneak outside for a smoke break (that was in highscool), and taught that evolution was 100% fact."
Are you saying that religion is 100% fact? There is not one shred of physical evidence that can be shown that validates religion, especially a monotheistic one. Evolution holds some water, but has yet to be proven. Either way, I believe that evolution should be taught because there is more scientific fact to support it and it doesn't involve the use of rhetoric and sexist behavior such as religion.
Whenever you involve religion is complicates things because of the how religion is structured. Let's face it, religion is designed around what a man thinks is best for everyone (I am male by the way) and that is just pure horse crap. Religion is sexist and contradicting to no end. People have started wars and killed people in the name of religion...science has never started a war...ever.
By challenging the teachings of religion it allows the youth to experience something beyond the sheltered means in which they live. What would Vanessa think if one of her children decided to become agnostic or atheist?
Once again, these facts don't matter and I admit it is a loaded question. But it goes to prove a point, when you involve religion you are no longer seeking a sound, logical decision. Rather, you are seeking a flawed opinion based upon the moral teachings and judgments made by someone else.
Honestly, I don't see this as a home school issue.
There are MANY women around the world who go through this when they are stay at home wife/mothers and their husband decides to end the marriage; and it does not matter IF they home school or not.
When I went through my divorce, I was a stay at home wife and mother, I had zero income, and had to pay for evaluations and all of those such things as well. So what did I do? I Prayed, I swallowed my pride and got myself a job to support myself and my kids beyond the child support amount, because I knew I could no longer depend on my husband to provide for me in the same way he had for the years of our marriage. That is one of the MANY consequences of divorce.
He too could afford the same type of atty this man can afford, so that is the type of lawyer he had. But from the sound of things, this man is not fighting for custody of the children AND the family home, like my ex-husband did.
The entire ordeal stretched my faith and trust in God to provide, for even the most basic things. Financially, my ex-husband is still better off, but emotionally and spiritually I am doing better than he is by far. There is no amount of money or feeling of 'justice' or 'vengeance' being exacted that can buy the peace I have inside.
This is the reason so many women fought for the right to work, so that they would NOT be stuck in situations like this, where they were relying on a man 100% for their financial support.
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