A few comments have mentioned that this is a custody case, and so the homeschool issue is not as clear-cut as in other cases where both parents want the children to be homeschooled and the judge overrules that. It's a good point to raise, but there are several responses:1. In this case, the father wants the children to go to public school. Of course, he has the right to state his wishes and to have them considered, but he has presented no legitimate evidence to support his request or demonstrate that it would be in the children's best interest.
2. The mother wants to continue homeschooling the children. They have been homeschooled for the last four years and, by the admission of both the father and the Court, have done very well and "thrived."
3. If both the mother and father have equal right to decide on the children's education, and they cannot agree, then the judge must make a decision. The issue is not whether he sides with the father or the mother, but that his decision is based on the facts at hand and, above all, what is in the best interest of the children. Although Judge Mangum claims to have made his decision on just that basis, the evidence does not support that claim.
- His views on homeschooling are not justified, not supported by any evidence, and reveal a lack of understanding and reliance on false stereotypes.
- In any situation where there is a similar dispute, normal precedent would be to continue the status quo unless there is strong evidence to support a change.
- In this case, the status quo is for the mother to continue homeschooling and, again, both the judge and the father acknowledge that the children are benefitting from homeschooling and the mother is doing a good job.
- The judge's claim that both parents never mutually agreed to homeschooling is bogus. The children have been homeschooled for the last four years. Did the father only recently discover that fact?? Why is he only now making an issue of it? Why would he acknowledge that his children are doing well in homeschool, but then want them to be placed in public school??
- Is it really in children's best interest to be pulled out of homeschool and thrown into public school? I wonder if Judge Mangum is fully aware of the moral state of our public schools?
Certainly, the custody and divorce issues in this case present superficial complications - but the heart of the matter is that, against all the evidence and without any attempt to prove why he considers it in the "best interest of the children," Judge Mangum has ordered three homeschooled children to be uprooted and placed in public school, regardless of their own wishes or their mother's.
What's more important? To satisfy some philosophical or idealogical "rule" to give equal time to both parents? Or to allow the children to continue to thrive, to receive the best possible education, and to be taught strong moral values? What is really "in the best interests of the children" here?
The fact that this is not a blatant overruling of both parents' rights makes this case all the more dangerous - because many people will find it too easy to dismiss as "just a custody issue" or "just a messy divorce."
Judges have already tried and failed to assault parents' right to homeschool head-on. Don't let them get away with slipping it in under cover of a divorce case!
Posts
44 comments:
I agree. This is about this judge taking the place of the mother's decision on how to raise her children. Well guess what....This is now a political issue...I have called the NC Republican party and Senator Burr's office. If this judge wants to merge state and religion because of his views well guess what he has opened the floodgates....WELCOME to the REVOLUTION...If the libs can make politics out of everything so can we. If you don't think this is political, read about the childrens rights resolution the UN is pushing for the US to sign...It basically states that a parent cannot discipline a child, influence a child's religion etc....
I don't get it. The mother is said to be a good mother, children are testing out above their grade levels,actively participate in "outside" activities and are Christians.
The judge sides with an adulterous father on what is best for the children's education. The father is worried about the best interest of his children all of a sudden after he has been out and away from his family acting like a dog ???? If he was so "concerned" about his family, he would have kept his trousers zipped and come home after work to help see to the children.
I am confused here. Did I miss something ???? I could understand this better if the kids were never allowed a social life/activities outside of home and Church and did not test well. Also, these kids are doing great when considering the emotional junk that comes along with their home breaking up.
What in the world is happening here ???
As one who homeschooled my own children, I find this very alarming. My own are now successful, happy adults. I know that some children do very well in public schools, but even more fail to achieve their potential within that system. My son jokingly refers to public schools as "communist indoctrination centers." Considering this case, where the judge (a agent of the government) is erroneously substituting his own preferences for the education of the children over the mother's, it sure looks a lot like communism.
I will pass on the word about this case to my minister for prayers. This is a breech of justice in the courts just like it was the removal of God's Ten Commandments. This Nation is under a curse for taking God out of the picture. Too bad people can't see that yet. God's kingdom is the only hope because it will rule with equity, fairness and loving authority.
I disagree. We don't know what the marriage was like before the affair.
There is no evidence that the judge is anti-conservative. Not every conservative is pro-homeschooling. Not every homeschooler homeschools for religious reasons. I know a lot of hard-core environmentalists who homeschool so their children don't have to be vaccinated. Even the quotes given on this site don't have enough evidence for that conclusion.
All of us homeschoolers recognize that there is way more involved in homeschooling than just grades, so saying grades are the only thing that matter in this one case would be hypocritical. If kids tested at or above grade-level in public school wouldn't be proof that they belong there.
That the father cheated does not mean his opinions no longer matter and he should just be treated like a check book. The way a divorce works is that the judge has been invited to make these decisions because the family didn't agree. That he is permitted to stay in the home during the divorce proceedings is not at all atypical. That the child support awarded is at a low level also happens.
This is not the same level of outrage as states or countries ruling that homeschooling is illegal. In situations of divorce, no matter who is at fault, the custodial parent (in this case, both, since custody has not yet been decided) will decide the fate of the children. If they cannot agree, then the judge is the final arbiter, whether we like it or not and whether we think homeschooling is above reproach or not.
Unless I was a lawyer or an intimate of the family, I would not feel that I could take the mom's side solely because she homeschools. Nor do I believe that taking the kids out of homeschooling is a good enough reason to think the judge is prejudiced.
It seems like the father has a financial interest in requesting a judicial order that the children be placed in public school that goes above and beyond a standard "best interest of the children" issue.
If the mother continues homeschooling the children (as she was doing when they were married), the father's alimony will, of necessity, be higher since the mother's full-time job would be schooling the children.
Isn't the standard in these sorts of cases that the previous standard of living is supposed to be maintained?
I just wonder if the reverse would ever happen. A couple is getting divorced and the judge decides that homeschooling would be in the best interest of the children for a while because they need to be rounded out by being at home. Not likely.
Lets just see this for what it is.... Apparently the marriage was fine and so was the homeschooling until it got in the way of the husband supporting his girlfriend. The fact of the matter is the father doesn't want to pay for homeschooling or any type of private schooling evidently because of the girlfriend. The kids are also hating him and telling him what he did was wrong etc.. That is making him mad because he doesn't see what he did as wrong. Therefore, he wants them to go to public school so they can learn to accept his actions as a normal way of life because other kids parents will have done it as well. (Kids are more influenced by other kids than they are by their parents.) The reasoning behind what the judge gave can be construed in various ways. I think the fact the the judge said "to challenge the ideas that you have taught them" is enough to warrant the fact that the judge is bias against the mother's religion. Also, the fact that the judge didn't force the father to pay for continued homeschooling even though the kids thrived at home, is bias against homeschooling. Finally, saying his is taking the mother's place in making this decision even though she is against it is discriminating against her. This judge screwed himself very badly. Boy, both political sides could run like the wind with this. Cases like this are only the tip of the iceburg for the government to see what the public is willing to put up with.
To Kim,
Yes every conservative is pro homeschooling. By definition conservative means believing in limited government and personal responsibility. That is the epitome of homeschooling.
The fathers opinion to seriously disrupt the lives of his children when they are thriving at home should be completely disregarded. Their lives are already in enough of an uproar with the divorce and now they (dad and judge) want to disrupt it more by forcing them to attend public school. You say you are a homeschool mother. How would you feel if this was your children and you had no say? And yes it is the same level of outrage. The judge just told this woman that it would be illegal for her to homeschool her children. Why should it matter any less because it is only one family? Some people homeschool their children because of deeply held conviction. I am one of them. I am supposing from your comments, that you are not.
The mother needs to contact HSLDA. They would go to bat for her...and win!
Wow! There are so many ways to view this situation, I have agreed with them all. I think the bottom line here is money! If the father already went out of his marriage and can justify this then how well his children do in school is really no concern. As I read in the article. The father will not be supporting any money towards homeschooling. Translation: the Mom is expected to get a job, take care of herself financially. Bottom line, in this day an age, adultery is not a crime. Ther e is no punishment. The kids suffer the burden. The Mom's attorney should petition an appeal, request a court appointed attorney to hear the children's side, especially at their ages. ALSO... if the kids are acting out, have them be seen by a therapist. Have the therapist type up her findings and submit to the courts.
My prayers go out to the kids. They are suffering because of the decision made by their father. This reeks of EGO!
CONTACT hslda@hslda.org
This is too close to home for me!
Regards,
L.Sisk
Hillsborough, Nc
I would be curious to know the children's point of view. Are they going to be traumatized as a result of this? Does the judge even care? Did he even ask them? How can you base it on what is best for the children when children are not even given a voice in the process. Judges all over the country make decisions for children and NEVER EVEN ASK THE CHILDREN what they think! Not that children should have the final say in everything, but their ideas, feelings, and preferences should matter!
Given the divorce, you'd think whoever got custody of the children would make the decision where they should be schooled.
I think the bottom line is family. The breakup of the home is a tragedy. The unfaithfulness of man is what we hear about of course but we don't know the whole story. Two sinners, apparently saved by grace, yet unwilling to yield to one another. That is sad and that is the story. To talk about the right to home-school in the face of single-parenthood is an issue that needs to be sorted out. Most single parents work regular day jobs. This is part of the cost of divorce. If a homeschool dad were in this situation and given custody of the children it would be ridiculous to think that the Mom would go out and get a job and support him and the kids while he stays home to school them.
Another problem is how the non-custodial parent is villainized by the custodial parent. Does a homeschool environment mean that this is worse than normal? Probably. Maybe the judge is trying to minimize the damage of the divorce in these kids. I for one think that the divorce will do more damage than any other event they are most likely going to suffer. Trying to minimize the damage for the children is a good thing.
I've not read all this website so please forgive me if this has already been pointed out. Can this judge not see the children have a traumatic adjustment in the fact that their dad is walking out on them? Why must he pull them out of what is familiar and safe for them?
This is another sad fact about divorce...the government has to become involved in basic family decisions. They invited the judge into the family as soon as they filed divorce papers. If you want to be free to do what is best (or at least have an equal say) then stay married, unless absolutely necessary.
Is she a member of HSLDA?
Unfortunately, the time is long past where alimony was granted simply on the basis of adultery. What was once seen as immoral and atrocious is now allowed to happen without repercussions - at least monetary ones. However, the same is not true of child support. The father is still financially responsible for his children. Evidently the father and the judge both agreed that the quality of education provided by the mother was was more than adequate. If that is the case then the judge should not be allowed to dictate from the bench such a drastic change in the education of the children.
I know of several homeschooling families where the mother/teacher works outside or the home. Is it difficult? I am certain it is, but most mothers willingly make sacrifices on behalf of their children if they think it is in their best interests. The divorce should NOT be dictating a change in their education.
Also, agreeing with wvmountainmama that while every conservative may not wish to homeschool, every conservative believes in the right to homeschool without imperious governmental dictates. The imposition of government into parental rights and personal responsibility is a tool of socialism and, unfortunately, liberalism.
To wvmountainmama,
The founding fathers have a different view of conservative when it bantered about the proposition of public education. The epitome of homeschooling is choice, not a right expressed in the Constitution.
Please cast less dispersion on folks like Kim, while trying to be a bit less sanctimonious. I enjoyed both yours and Kim’s points, but not in the least quick to slander. Try and not throw sand at the people in your sandbox.
Rachel Simmons
Part-time lawyer (estate) - full-time home schooling mom of three
Kim, well said! I couldn't agree more with you.
The day our tyrannical national authority decided the states no longer had the right to voluntarily remove themselves from the federal compact; this situation became an inevitability.
How much longer are we going to tolerate an intrusive, oppressive government which claims the right to dictate the terms & conditions of every aspect of our lives?
Are we so addicted to the slavery of social safety nets that we are willing to sacrifice our children's future for the illusion of security in our dotage?
Wow so many men hater posts. Yes what he did was totally wrong. But no one knows what the relationship was like before this happened. In a financial sense it does not make sense for her to stay at home and teach the kids when public or private school is an option. She needs to support herself and her "job" should not be to teach the kids. The financial responsibility for the kids will mostly fall on the father since they are in NC. So the mother should do her part.
Also is she a certified teacher? Would adults take there kids to school to be taught by people that were not certified? Of course not. But it is amusing to me that how often your hear the words home schooled followed up with religious views.
Yes divorce is not clean and easy and everyone hurts from it. Mostly the kids. But you should not stay together just for the kids or for religious reasons. When the parents don't get along it adds too much stress for the kids.
mom wants a divorce, fine, but she has to realized life is going to change forever for her
and the kids by her decision. One consequence of that is going to be that she's going to have to get a J-O-B. What he did was wrong, but she could choose to forgive him and reconcile (maybe he doesn't want to though). That way she could have her "job" be to teach. That option goes away when she goes out on her own, unfortunately. That's just real life folks.
I 100% support the mother's right to homeschool, but I totally disagree this about liberals.
For years and years and years and years, conservatives have been handing our rights over to the Federal and State governments. Some example are the definition of marriage, the many rights trampled to fight the war on drugs to the secret police powers of the Patriot act.
Now all of a sudden, when one the rights valued by these same people has been trampled on, they are up in arms. The fact is, you can not routinely force your values on other people and expect otherwise when they take over. If you want the rights you hold dear, you must fight for the rights you do not.
I am not a Christian, I am a heathen. But I will fight for your rights to raise your children in the way you see fit. Please do the same.
Good luck.
For those who are surprised by this case, you should not be. These things have been going on for a long time, and they are going to escalate under the current administration. You can see www.dangerousopinions.com for a case that is almost identical to this in that the judge forbade the family from teaching the Bible in their home. That family was mine. The judge took the child from home schoolers and put her in a home where she's been sexually abused and exposed to every filthy thing you can imagine. Even after becoming aware of this, he has chosen to leave her where she is rather than put in her in the decent Christian home she wants to live in. This is nothing new and it is definitely the liberals who are behind these sorts of usurpations.
What's really going on here? Is this mom is the right person to school these children? I agree with another writer who posted that educational quality and success should not only be measured by grades. I also question the values of this mom whose own father says she is involved in a cult. If she's ultra-religious, would she even pursue divorce since it is so strongly admonished in the Bible? I think there is far more going on here than what has been reported by the media. Who really knows what goes on behind closed doors. I am a mother who loves her children more than life itself, but that love does not qualify me to be their only childhood educator. The judge may feel the same way. Look beyond the headlines, people.
OH MY...WHERE DO I START!!!!
First: Kim...well spoken and I agree with you 100%
wvmountainmama - You can honestly sit at your keyboard and type that drivel? You are saying that ALL conservatives are like you? Are you so bold as to lay a blanket statement such as that? You are the same kind of people whom I proudly call stupid...here's why. To make a stance based only upon your "label" in politics and not one of your own judgments means you have given up your right to think, that makes you stupid.
You can label yourself a conservative and also support abortion. You can be liberal and also support the death penalty...who'd figure? What do you call people such as that? I don't label myself anything, because I don't classify myself to be in the same group of people who choose not to exercise their right to think freely before opening their mouth.
Also, no one asked the courts to be involved with this case. You only need to involve the courts opinion once two ADULTS are unable to behave as ADULTS and have to ask the opinion of a judge (an ADULT) to make a decision. Now, once you do this, you are no longer in control of the situation and therefore have given up your right to make your own decision.
"People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid." (unknown)
I am a Christian Homeschool dad who chose that option years ago because I wanted to win my children's hearts. I had been certified to teach and my wife has a degree. I did not want their hearts to lie with their peers. They are great kids, very well socialized.
Yet, I have seen the stress, especially financial, that homeschooling can cause. I have seen it contribute to a number of divorces. The wife generally does most of the teaching and a bunker mentality can take over. She can feel like the World is evil and her precious children need to be protected. Some await the day that the husband becomes "one of them." It is slow process that insidiously drives a wedge between husband and wife. Part of this arises because the wife is the leader in this area and the husband has abdicated all responsibility.
He is not satisfied with the way life is turning out. Money is short. His dreams...abandoned. Her attention is directed entirely toward the children. He is a second thought except when it comes to the chore list. He begins to resent home-schooling. She sees him growing distant.
Then, some woman at the office treats him like he hasn't been treated in a long time. She puts her hand on his arm when she talks to him and he doesn't have the sense to run like mad.
They drift apart and life is "duty."
Meanwhile, relationships are everything to her but it is more of number and depth of relationships. The most important one she fails to place in its proper place.
The World is evil, but she forgets that "there is no one good...no, not one." She forgets that we are all saved sinners, that God can be found even when we make our bed in hell.
If this case is going to be a landmark case, let it be a landmark in regard to forgiveness and reconciliation. May God be honored in this home. Let us all pray for repentence all around and let us all keep the Courts out of our families by keeping our families out of the Court.
This case is not about homeschooling at all. It is about DIVORCE.
Divorce is a really ugly thing, and if the parents cannot work things out, then there needs to be sacrifices made.
This woman is crazy to think that the husband should pay for her to stay home and home school the children, when they are divorced. How is he going to move on and start over if he has to pay for her to stay home and homeschool? He should pay child support, but money for her to stay home also?
How does she expect to take care of the kids? With her ex-husband's money only? That makes no sense. Unfortunately, because of the circumstances, she has to go out and get a JOB and support herself and her children.
Again, this is not an attack against homeschooling, but it is a good, sound judgement from the judge, who is trying to sort out a complicated divorce.
Kim states an minority view and makes claims of fact:
"I disagree. We don't know what the marriage was like before the affair.
There is no evidence that the judge is anti-conservative."
I believe you are ignoring evidence that is know.
The judge did not clam up to the media right away.
The only reason anyone is allowed to Home School in this country is that The States and Judges in this Country have been shot down by the U.S. Supreme court when they tried to use the states or the courts judgment about what should be taught, or what books should be used to teach, or who should teach, or what methods should be taught for that of the parents.
Up until now the courts have been forced to rely on evidence of the results of the Home Schooling compared to Public Schools before they could interfere with the parents Constitutional right to control their children education.
It is very important to all Home Schools that this not set a President that a Judge or a State or a third party expert can simply determine the curriculum, books, person teaching, based on what their, or a state's, or a third party expert's opinion.
If a judge basis his decision solely on the results of Home School education in this one unique case that is not a precedent.
But we have a copy of the Judges order prepared by the husband's attorney ( which is standard practice that the prevailing party prepare the order ). That proposed order clearly states that all parties agree the results were good but the judge determine the curriculum was bad.
Which is the worst possible outcome as a precedent from this case - from someone wanting to protect the constitution right to Home Schooling that currently exists.
"This case is not about homeschooling at all. It is about DIVORCE.
Divorce is a really ugly thing, and if the parents cannot work things out, then there needs to be sacrifices made.
This woman is crazy to think that the husband should pay for her to stay home and home school the children, when they are divorced. How is he going to move on and start over if he has to pay for her to stay home and homeschool? He should pay child support, but money for her to stay home also?
How does she expect to take care of the kids? With her ex-husband's money only? That makes no sense. Unfortunately, because of the circumstances, she has to go out and get a JOB and support herself and her children.
Again, this is not an attack against homeschooling, but it is a good, sound judgement from the judge, who is trying to sort out a complicated divorce."
Wow. You need to study the original Supreme Court decision allowing home schooling in opposition to the states trying to shut it down.
You should also study the follow on decisions which prevented the states from using attacks on the curriculum / text books / qualifications of the parents to teach by the state and third party experts as justification to regulate home schooling out of existence. The Supreme Court put a stop to that.
All the states have left right now is child abuse for poorly educating the children and the state must prove that by proving for each individual home school that the educational results for a student are worse than they would be in public school based on a standard test used by both public schools and home schools.
This ruling as it now stands would totally change that. The proposed written judgment that has been circulated stands that on it's head. This ruling says results of Home Schooling do not matter only how a judge or the state or a third party expert judges the Curriculum, text books, person teaching and teaching methods need be considered.
This would provide a new opening to states to shut down Home Schooling by regulating curriculum, text books, teaching methods and requiring state certification of Home School teachers.
It is not guaranteed they would succeed in this new regulation attempt, but it would give them precedent to argue it and pass state laws enabling it that might take years to get to the Supreme Court for final resolution.
Best to fight over this case now.
The judge may change it on his own, or an appeals court may intervene.
He could get the same result without bringing home school into it at all. Just tell her she was free to home school but he would still limit her child support and alimony based on the assumption she is working full time.
This would probably force her out of home schooling for economic reasons - but that has always been a risk.
By the way I am a man and I believe the man should be responsible for supporting his children until they are twenty-one. It may be a burden, but if you are going to play ( have children ), then you have to pay. If you supported your wife before the divorce so she could raise your children, then that should continue afterward until they are all twenty-one.
It may be old fashioned, but stay at home Moms raise great kids.
The kids should not suffer just because the Dad wants out of the marriage.
Which is what this is probably all about anyway.
"I am a Christian Homeschool dad who chose that option years ago because I wanted to win my children's hearts. I had been certified to teach and my wife has a degree. I did not want their hearts to lie with their peers. They are great kids, very well socialized. ......"
Very thoughtful post.
this is stupidest ruling i have ever seen
why change something that was working really well for the children 2 grade levels about
thier age that judge should be smacked out of office for this just shows the anti relious bias out in the injustice system
Anonymous @ 11:56 am said: "Wow so many men hater posts. Yes what he did was totally wrong. But no one knows what the relationship was like before this happened."
Regardless of what the relationship was like and why Mr. Mills justifies his adultery, he was the one who pulled the trigger and cheated. If he was in such a terrible marriage, he should've considered divorce himself instead of dragging his wife and kids through this. Let Mr. Mills be a big boy and accept accountability for his decision, Anonymous. He can't blame anyone else but himself for making the pivotal decision to cheat. That's NO ONE else's fault but his own.
*** *** ***
We forget that as long as the homeschooling was going on in Mr. Mills's home, he was a part in that. He supported it and allowed to go on in his home for 4 years. He was a homeschooling parent himself.
So why is he NOW all of a sudden attempting to take something away from his own children that he supported and saw as beneficial?
If his ideologies and lifestyle values have changed so much that he feels it is his right to impart his newer values to his children, then he needs to recognize that his wife also has ideologies and values she wants to equally impart to the children. She has just as much right as a parent to protect her kids from public school as he has to immerse them in it.
For some reason, Mr. Mills doesn't seem to mind letting government impart their values, but he doesn't want Venessa Mills imparting hers. He is coming across as a control freak or as a vindictive, bitter man.
*** *** ***
The other thing I think homeschool advocates need to be aware of is that there seems to be an attempt here to marginalize homeschoolers as being fringe kooks with cultish tendencies who are incompetent to teach their own children. The generally ignorant population who does not advocate homeschooling tends to have the idea that homeschoolers are control freak isolationists abusing their kids through indoctrination.
We all know this view of homeschooling is wrong, but their is a faction of this country that would love to spread those sentiments so that eventually your freedoms are squelched.
That's one of the reasons this case is so important. Mr. Mills and Judge Mangum are coming across as villains to us, but to the "other side", they seem like heroes.
I have never been a proponent of homeschooling, however, I am a proponent of parents rights. This judge seems to be placing his beliefs over that of the mothers. I think there needs to be a concerted effort of the people of Wake county to be sure that this judge DOES NOT win re-election. It's time the people band together, whether or not we agree on the way a parent choses to raise their children (as long as they are not endangering the children), and stand against government interference.
Robyn, I would love to know what grade the judge plans to put the children in public school. Is it the grade level they are supposed to be in, or is it the grade level they tested into, which would be 2 grade levels higher?!!
I agree with you. This IS frightening.
I am a homeschool mom of 15, with 7 granddaughters, two grands are homeschooled also.
Goodness!! Even in yesterdays newspaper article Ian Slatter, a spokesman for HSLDA, which is the group that backs home-school parents stated that this is a Divorce cased and not a Home-School case. This happens in custody cases and is more common than people realize. "It's a tragedy of divorce, but we don't see any broad implications," Slatter said. How can you continue to raise this as a homeschooling injustice, when the spokesman from HSLDA even stated this is a custody issue and not a homeschooling issue? Her own father submitted information to the court (per the news article) that the judge obviously took notice with!!! This is a Custody Case and not a Home-School attack. There is obviously some deep concerns with members of her own family. The judge ordered each parent 50/50 custody which means they both have a say in the childrens education and since they couldn't come to an agreement, he made the decision based on information given to him by BOTH parties.
Faye at 10:31 pm said: "This woman is crazy to think that the husband should pay for her to stay home and home school the children, when they are divorced. How is he going to move on and start over if he has to pay for her to stay home and homeschool?"
Faye, I would like to ask you if you thought this woman was crazy to expect her husband to stay true to the vows he took when he married her? Do you think that Venessa Mills expected that Mr. Mills choice of adultery was included in the vows?
Nothing Venessa Mills might've have done would justify Mr. Mills' own personal choice to commit adultery - which in my opinion is abuse of a spouse. (Which furthermore is destructive to any offspring.)
Faye, I can't believe you insinuate Venessa Mills is crazy to think a man who made a vow to her in front of God and witnesses should uphold his end of the bargain. Not only that, he obviously consented to reproducing with her and he should be held accountable for providing the monetary provision for those offspring. His apparent reluctance to support Venessa Mills is a sign that he also does not care to support his children.
One way a man cares for his offspring is to care for the very woman, THEIR MOTHER, who is most likely to lovingly carry the brunt of their rearing and guidance.
And you think she's crazy to expect this?
And if he is so opposed to homeschooling now, why did he support it for four years under his roof?
Faye, I would have you question Mr. Mills's intentions instead of Venessa Mills's sanity in this situation.
And how is he going to move on and start over? You say this as if you think it's morally legitimate to dump your wife and children for a new life. Is it okay to make a promise, a commitment to someone, and then subject them to emotional torment and abuse via adulterous behaviour, and then dump them forever with no repercussions or accountability on your part?
If Mr. Mills wants to wash clean and start over, then he needs to quit fighting for custody of these children and let Venessa Mills do what she wants with her children with her own means - including homeschooling. If he wants to start over and wash clean as you insinuate here, then he needs to forget he ever had kids and a marriage so that they won't get in the way of his "future".
You can't just was yourself clean of the past you chose to be part of. A grown, mature man would accept responsibility and accountability for the lives he affected. He isn't an island unto himself.
The woman who went with this married man should be sued. In our town, a pastor's wife sued and won a very large settlement from a woman with whom her husband committed adultery. Even if the wife only wins a judgment, it will be a moral victory.
In your last sentence in your blog you talk about not letting the courts use the blank f divorce to cover up the mothers homescholing rights something like that)- but I read in the local newspaper or heard on the news (either yesterday or the day before - I can't remember) that HSLDA stated that these situations happen more then people understand when there is a divorce/custody situation and that even though it is tragic they don't see any long term implications from this. With that being said, they even understand that divorce and custody can get extremely ugly and these are just consequences that can happen, even if it is unexpected. They want NO part of it when it is a custody situation. This is not good for the mother! I really hope that she understands that she is fighting an uphill battle. It is not likely this will change anytime soon and could be caught up in the courts for years... with the temporary orders in effect. I know from personal experience. By the time the originals orders made it through the court system, it was 7 years later. The temporary orders remained in place as each time one of us appealed that had to be decided on before any permanent order could be developed. We were in the court system for 7 years until all appeals by both parties had been exhausted as the facts no longer matter from 7 years earlier. Permanent orders where signed and my child turned 18 nine months later!! Thank GOD I had the money to continue my fight but then was it really worth it in the end?? In my opinion, after actually being there myself, the mother and the father NEED to come up with an agreement between the two of them. I know this is a VERY emotional situation, but you need to look at the BIGGER picture. Right now it appears that the judge has made his decision for the temporary orders, but the parents still have some time before the permanent orders are signed. Otherwise, this will go on for years with nothing changing from the temporary orders as appeal after appeal will be filed by both parties.
"In this case, the father wants the children to go to public school. Of course, he has the right to state his wishes and to have them considered, but he has presented no legitimate evidence to support his request..."
What? He submitted an affidavit where he stated that he objected to pulling the kids out of public school to begin with. And he is concerned that his wife has the kids involved in a cult. That sounds legitimate to me. Since no one else was present to hear the conversation between himself and his wife it seems that the affidavit is the best evidence he can have.
Kim, the homeschooling dad, and HSLDA have it right in my opinion.
He also let the children be homeschooled for four years, and acknowledges that they've done very well. And since when did "being concerned" qualify as "evidence?"
Your basing this on his affidavit? So I assume you've also read all of the mother's affidavits, too, right? before coming to this "opinion?"
Unfortunately, this is a divorce issue and not a homeschooling issue. I think that HSLDA's position on this matter is very wise. The constitutional right to parent one's children extends to both parents. In a divorce case, the father has rights to make decisions regarding the children's education and religious instruction. HSLDA would not benefit much by interfering in these cases as they usually only extend to the parties involved.
When I was in law school, I worked for a small law firm that shared office space with a solo divorce attorney. What I witnessed was messy, to say the least. No matter what the religion, income, race, or social class of the family, divorce cases inevitably lead to irrational adults screaming at each other (this is a slight exaggeration). Family law judges have the undesirable job of doing a rough job of “splitting the baby” like king Solomon. It's messy, and can be a little unfair to one side or the other, but that's the way the system goes. If you can't be adults, the judge will decide a compromise between the two of you.
In this case, the father did not originally want the children to be homeschooled. Ms. Mills parents and sister were isolated from the family. The religion is a key point of dispute in the case, because the parents disagree about what to teach the children about religion. Any religion that would drive a wedge between grandchildren and grandparents is certainly a “red flag.” But even in this case, both parents will get a chance to have their say about religion when they have the children, and can't undermine the other parent's teachings. Although the marital infidelity will have an impact on the divorce, I fail to see how it affects the custody/care issues. (All this information came from the March 17 temporary custody order.) Although it might be unusual for a judge to decide how children will be educated, in this case he had to, since the parents didn't agree. If I were an appeals judge, I probably would not overturn this case as his ruling seems to have sufficient evidence supporting it. Note: I DO NOT practice law and am not licensed in North Carolina. I am not giving anyone legal advice.
As to the financial issue. None of the court documents mentioned alimony, as the documents pertained to custody and not divorce. Mr. Mills will almost certainly pay for his adultery (humor?). North Carolina lists “Marital misconduct” as a factor in calculating alimony, as well as the earning capacity of both spouses. North Carolina General Statutes § 50‑16.3A. Since Ms. Mills made no money during the marriage, and since Mr. Mills makes over six figure a year, I'm pretty sure that Ms. Mills will end up doing ok, at least financially. As a side note, I find it very interesting that North Carolina is one of the few remaining state that still has fault-based divorce, and that calls spousal support “alimony.” Huh.
The next divorce with similar facts might get a different result, because the best interest of the child is difficult to determine. That is why these orders are temporary and can be modified with new facts. This case should not affect other married or single parents right to educate their children or to decide their religion. I mean, Scientology still exists, right? (I am so bad at comedy.)
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